Page 11

Time for a Laugh

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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."  "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" 
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I don't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.  The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the pastor had knocked several times. Finally, the pastor took out his card and wrote "Revelations 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door. {Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and he with me.} The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the pastor's message was the notation "Genesis 3:10". {I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.}

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to mass. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Priest went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Priest asked, "Why, after all these years, we don't see you at mass anymore?" The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Father," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

Two buddies were out for a stroll with their dogs. One had a Doberman Pincher and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink." The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."   The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead."  They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed." The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman Pincher ?" The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good." The bouncer said, "OK, come on in." The buddy with the Chihuahua figured, "what the heck," so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?" The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua ?....... They gave me a darn Chihuahua??"

Four seminary students were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and papers that each had an A so far for the semester. They were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go party with some friends at the beach. They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they overslept and missed the exam. They decided to ask their professor for a makeup exam. They explained that they had been studying for the exam all weekend, but got a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare. "Okay," said the professor. "Come back tomorrow and I'll have a makeup exam ready."
The next day, he placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. The first problem, worth five points, was something simple about transubstantiation. "Cool," each student thought in his separate room. "This is going to be easy." Each finished the problem, then turned the page and read: "Question 2, for 95 points: Which tire?"

Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.  He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too.  So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.